The Universe, The Earth

"The universe is shaped exactly like the earth, if you go strait long enough you end up where you were"

This line was taken from a song by Modest Mouse, and if makes me feel so sad the I understand and agree with what is means. What does it mean? It means that everything repeats itself and this wouldn't be so bad except for the fact that I applied this to my day to day routine. I'm starting to feel that I don't have any impact, that I have nothing left to give, and I need to find a way to break this cycle. I need to find new meaning in the everyday because I feel like I'm continually going strait as the minutes, hours, and days pass, but I still feel like I end up where I started. I need to find a new tree to climb, a new tangent to explore, a new hell to conquer, or maybe just a new book to read.

My past year

I think the fact that I blog about whats in my head instead of whats in the world is a good thing. Instead of summing up my year or decade I just put on some good tunes and let it all flow. I mean if I ultimately were to write about the the past year I'd say that what has happened really isn't anywhere as important as what will happen. I'm only seventeen, assuming that human life expectancy is exponentially increasing that's only about about a tenth of my life. Who I am isn't defined by what was or what is, but rather what will be. The reasons resolutions are so widely excepted is because New Years Should really be a time to look ahead instead of reflect, so thats what I'll do I'll prepare for the future to define myself. I hope the next year is the best I've ever had and I think that that's the best resolution to make this year the best you've ever had...and I will

Listen a Little Closer

One of the cool things about music is its ability to surprise you. I wish that everyone could hear what I hear when I put on a new album. I hear the emotions expressed through the chord progressions and shifts. Anyone can discuss the plots and twists in a new movie or tv show, or even a book or poem for those of us that still read, but I feel all of this raw emotion in the music I listen to and it keeps me intrigued and involved. All of these artists are truly that, artists, even though they are not often given the kind of credit they deserve for example people pay millions for a work of art but a beautiful composition of music goes for $0.99. A friend of mine has a music library that grows exponentially compared to mine, but that's because the way we listen are completely different. I can listen to one song fifty times and still not get everything out of it. I guess the point is listen a little closer you might find something you missed and you might like it, maybe we can discuss it sometime, maybe you saw something I didn't.

I can't believe I just thought that.
~Breathe Deep
I always thought of myself as a good person.
~Breathe Deep
But I didn't do anything
~Breathe Deep
I guess I'm okay, but still...
~I need to sleep

Music

I love making music. I want to be able to make a living on it so I never have to grow up, but...each day while the walls pass by me in school I know this happening is becoming less and less likely. Even if it doesn't and I grow up my music will always be here to make me feel like a kid again.

I like coffee and I like tea

How do we love? I think that the answer is different for everybody, but I think I finally figured my answer. I might sound conceited, but I can love because I love myself. Everything about me makes me happy; my girlfriend, my family, my friends, my music, my grades. I love everything in my life, but I know that me loving myself so much is why I can love everything else. I know I sound like I only care about myself, but it's not true. Loving myself is an enabler. Finally knowing, finally being happy with myself, finally not caring what anyone thinks of me is the biggest release I've ever felt. I find love everything now, and I feel myself getting worked up over so little. So next time I'm at a coffee shop I'd be happy with whatever the waitress brings because I like coffee and I like tea.

Unbearable

If everything was as hard as this
There wouldn't be time to just sit and breathe.
Your favorite things in life will always make your life
unbearable at some point